11.6.09

The Evolution of Dance: We Only Grind Now and It's AWESOME

PIMP

Riddle of the 21st century:

When did dancing go from holding a girls hand and spinning her around like a fairy to rubbing your cock on the backside of as many girls as you can possibly find? I'm not complaining, but its kind of fucked up. Remember how every 90's high school movie ended with a party where everyone danced face-to-face without touching each other? All that space in between people? Was everyone a virgin in the 90's?

I did some research.... just kidding. Research sucks. I looked up grinding on YouTube and found this. I felt like I just ate $19 worth of Taco Bell after watching that, aka pretty dirty. But the thing is, dancing now is just a group of 60 people doing that in a little group. (I'm going to just keep linking this. You're welcome.)

Unless you fucking suck, you've probably grinded on some biddy before. The worst part about the whole thing is seeing one of your friends doing the same thing. I've had less awkward encounters when friends have walked in on me taking a shit. Most likely, your friend is probably dancing with a pretty unattractive girl. If he's not, then most likely you're dancing with a pretty unattractive girl. If you both managed to turn your douche off for the night and actually are both dancing with attractive girls, the exchange is still awkward. Why? You're both trying to fuck the girl you're grinding on. Don't be a fag and fuck up your buddy's game by being a fag and looking at him.

Why did people dance like tools in the 90's? It wasn't that long ago. My hypothesis: the ambiguity makes it easier to keep yourself clean the morning after. It's a lot more harmless if you were "dancing (whatever that means)" with some fat slut in front of you back in the 90's rather than having dry sex, aka grinding, with the same girl today.

My hypothesis for the future: people will stop dancing at parties. A typical exchange between strangers at a party will be: "Hey do you want to fuck?" "Yes, I do." "Well come on, let's go fuck on the fuck floor." People will gradually start fucking on dance floors, which will gradually grow more socially acceptable, which will happen more in public, which will lead to everyone fucking everywhere all the time, which will lead to the collapse of mankind, which will lead to hardcore evangelical conservatives being right all along...

The Chode Monologues' consensus is that community dance floor fucking would be awesome, only because we're drunk right now.




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